What If
by devilsangel1973
Summary: Set in the middle of S5E15, what if Will had survived, not everything goes back to normal for everyone Update is sorting out into chapters ready for chapter 5 to be uploaded very soon
1. Chapter 1

Set in the middle of Season 5 episode 15 (I think) If Will had survived the shooting. Not everything goes back to normal for everyone. Not really a Will/Alicia fanfic because I don't think they belong together...

'It's Will, he's been shot...' Alicia's whole being stopped in that second, internally begging for him to be ok

'Is he...' Alicia started

'I don't know anything yet, paramedics took him to county general, he looked in a bad way' Kalinda hung up, she couldn't tell her friend that he was going to be ok to make her feel better as she was as terrified to lose Will as anyone else.

At the hospital everything seemed to be in a state of chaos, Alicia wasn't sure if this was down to the shooting or a normal evening at a county general hospital. People seemed to be running all over the place and shouting orders. Alicia went up to to the front desk and caught the attention of one of the admin guys, big tall guy with a name badge that said 'Jerry'

'Can I help you ma'am?' Jerry asked

'I hope so, I'm looking for Will Gardner, I believe he was brought in this evening from the courthouse?'

'Are you family?' at this point Alicia didn't know what she was to him, things had been so messy between them lately, sometimes she thought even the term friend was pushing it a bit

'No, I'm a friend of his, can you tell me where he is?'

'He's currently in trauma 2, but it's family only for visitors, you are more than welcome to sit in the waiting area if you want, just mind the vending machine on the right doesn't give the right change' Alicia turned around to see Kalinda sat on a plastic chair next to Diane, both women stood up as Diane opened up her arms to Alicia.

'Have you called his sisters?' Alicia enquired

'We tried, no answer, David is driving up to her house as we speak, gives him something to do as we know how useless he would be otherwise' Diane tried to joke in the uncomfortable situation.

An hour passed, the waiting room seemed to get a bit calmer, things seemed to be getting back to normal around them, but still they waited. It was another half an hour before a doctor came out looking for Will's family.

'It's just us here at the moment, can you tell us anything?' Diane asked

'As you know Will was shot and it was pretty bad, he lost a lot of blood' Diane moved her hand over to Alicia's not knowing who needed it more while the doctor continued 'We managed to stop the bleeding for now and have sent him up to surgery, but I must warn you he was in a pretty bad way and you should probably prepare yourselves for the worst, the next few hours are crucial, if he gets through surgery and the rest of the night he's got a long road to recovery, I'm sorry I couldn't bring you any better news. Dr Dubenko will be operating tonight, you are welcome to wait in the surgical waiting room upstairs- 5th floor, room 564, you can take the elevator just over there' the doctor pointed over to a row of 3 elevators. The doctor looked exhausted, looks like he was in for a long night.

Hours passed, both Diane and Alicia tried to fill the time with work or coffee runs or even just pacing the room. Peter had tried to call a few times, but each time Alicia rejected the call. Eventually the door opened, a tall man still wearing his surgical cap walked in.

'Hello, my name is Dr Dubenko, are you here for Will Gardner?'

'Yes, how is he, did he make it through the surgery?' Diane was he first with the questioning, it had been so long since the last update.

'Will managed to get through surgery, but he's still quite poorly, we're going to monitor him closely over night and assess him again in the morning. You should all go home, there's nothing any of you can do tonight, it's all up to Will now'

'Doctor, do you mind if one of us sits with him over night, I don't think he should be alone' Kalinda pleaded with the doctor.

'Ok, one of you can stay, there's a chair in his room, but the rest of you should go home and rest'

The three women all looked at each other and silently chose Alicia to stay, Peter and the kids were staying at the old house so she was only going to be going back to an empty apartment.

'Do you want me to get you some things?' Kalinda offered on her way out.

'Yeah, here's my apartment keys, just some clean clothes and there's a small toiletries bag in the bathroom, also can you stop at Will's apartment, he'll need something to change into' Alicia knew Kalinda would know how to get into Will's apartment now that she no longer had his spare key 'I'll call you if there's any change'

Alicia went into the small side room where Will's lifeless body lay with all sorts or machines keeping him alive. The sight of Will was a shock to Alicia and she felt herself well up again. She saw the chair set out with a spare pillow and a blanket folded onto the seat, Alicia wished she was wearing something more comfortable than the dress for Peter's speech but nevertheless took to the seat not realising how exhausted she was.

Alicia must have finally dozed off after a couple of hours as when woke an overnight bag had appeared by her feet, Kalinda had obviously not wanted to wake her just left a note on the bag to say that she had been and to call if she needed anything else. Alicia opened the bag to find that her friend knew her more than she realised as she had put in a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and her old college hoodie she always wore when she needed comfort- it was like a big hug of memories. Alicia looked over to Will, there seemed to be no change, he was still breathing and the machine was still going bleep at regular intervals so she decided to use the bathroom to change into her new clothes.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a couple more hours before Alicia woke up again to the sound of movement outside the door- must have been shift change. Alicia looked at her phone, it was 07:05- time to check in with Diane and Kalinda knowing that they would both be awake when her phone starting ringing with an unknown number

'Hello' Alicia whispered

'Hey, it's me, why are you whispering?' Cary's voice filled her ear

'Why are you calling me from an unknown number and have you not seen the news? There was a shooting at the courthouse yesterday and Will was shot- I'm still at the hospital'

'Well 1, our phones have been bugged, and 2, I'm in California looking at the new Lockhart Gardner building, which is why I was calling, did you know about this?' Carey quizzed

'Urm, no, but I'm not exactly privy to what goes on over there anymore, and what are you doing in California? Shouldn't you be in the office?' Alicia

'Is Will ok? Do you want me to get the office to re-arrange your appointments?'

'He's still in a coma, no changes overnight. I will call the office and get everything moved back a couple of hours, nothing I can do here and his sisters will be here soon and that's not a conversation I need today.' Alicia had completely forgotten Cary would be out of the office for the rest of the week and quickly dialed Kalinda to see what time she would get to the hospital, she needed to leave but didn't want to leave him on his own.

Back at the office everything seemed to be a blurr, Alicia felt like a robot- on the outside she was the same but on the inside all she could think about is Will's lifeless body lying in that hospital room. His sisters arrived an hour after she left, no doubt they had already started mothering him, it wouldn't surprise her if they moved in to his apartment.

'So the plan is to extubate your brother and see how his breathing is on his own after a little help overnight' a small Indian doctor explained to Will's sisters 'You might want to step out for this as it can be a little traumatic if you're not used to it'

'I want to stay' Aubrey said without a second thought, how hard could it be? She thought, he's been through the worst bit

The doctor and a nurse proceeded to take out the tube that had been helping Will breathe for the last 24 hours and tried to stimulate Will's normal breathing. It took a minute but Will finally spluttered and started to breathe- he was awake.

'Will, my name is Dr Corday, we have just pulled out a tube from your throat that has been helping you to breathe so it might be a little bit uncomfortable to speak. Do you know where you are?' Will nodded and whispered 'hospital'

'Good, now do you remember what happened?' the doctor continued

'I was at the court house and there was shooting, I fell, I don't remember much after that' Will began to cough as the nurse passed him some ice chips to soothe his throat

'That's right, you were shot, a couple of times in your neck, side and chest. When you came into hospital you had lost a lot of blood and we sent you to surgery to try and fix the damage, you are very lucky to be alive. Now try and rest, I have put you down to start physical therapy tomorrow so you can rest today. Do you want me to let the rest of your visitors back in?'

'Alicia?' the doctor looked at Sara

'No Will, she isn't here, just family, Alicia hasn't been here'

'I thought, nevermind, you know what, I'm pretty tired, you should all go home' the thought of all his sisters fussing around him was a nightmare, he was still trying to piece the last 24 hours back together, he was certain that he heard Alicia in his room, maybe it was the drugs and he was just dreaming, he really missed her.

Diane finished up with her morning clients and headed over to the hospital, Aubrey had called to tell her he was awake much to Diane's relief. She couldn't do this without him.

When she arrived at the hospital Will's room was pretty quiet, his sisters must have left. Diane knocked on the open door as will turned his head and gave her a beaming smile

'Man am I glad to see you' Will was relieved it wasn't his sisters again. Diane went over and gave her partner a very relieved hug

'Don't you ever do that again, you hear, I was worried sick, David has been circling your office ready to move in all morning'

'Can't promise anything. Hey, do you know if I had any visitors this morning, I could have sworn I heard a voice, but I don't know if it was the drugs'

'Alicia stayed with you last night, we didn't want you to be on your own. She left this morning when Kalinda arrived around 8. Did you think you were dreaming of her?'

'I dunno, everything is kind of foggy in my mind, must be the morphine.' at that moment Diane's phone started ringing, it was the office, a client wanted an emergency meeting, Diane tried to fob them off till the morning

'Go, I don't mind, with me gone from the office they need you' Will wished he could jump up and get right back to work, but he could barely move

'Ok, if you need anything you just call, no matter the time.' Dianne kissed Will's forehead before she left

Will reached for his phone and dialled her number

'Alicia, it's Will, can you call me as soon as you get this, I need to talk to you' Voicemail, it seemed it was all he was getting from her these days.

'So, who is Alicia? Is it your new girlfriend?' Aubrey stood at the door of Will's room and realised she would now be like a dog with a bone

'No, she is a friend, I think, I don't know, I've had a lot of morphine. Where is Sara, dont you two hunt in pairs these days?' Will had no idea what Alicia was, but he knew that his sisters wouldn't let it go if they found out that he was in love with her, or at least he was, he didnt know anymore, she had sucessfully ripped his heart out and gave it a pounding without an inclination of any remorse, he was done, or at least he told himself he was.

'She's on the phone to Roger, she's giving him detailed instructions of how to pick his own kid up from school as if he hasn't done it before'

'She's stressed, she likes to take control of things when she's stressed. Completely my fault so I'm sorry if she's being a pain in the ass while I'm here.' Will held his hand out to his younger sister, knowing that his older sister would be making her life hell because of him

'It's not your fault someone shot you, and anyway, you avoided my question'

'What question is that?'

'Alicia, who is she, is she your girlfriend, what happened to Kalinda, I liked Kalinda'

'You have it all wrong, I work with Kalinda, she has never been my girlfriend, just my friend'

'And Alicia?'

'You know what, I'm pretty tired, it's hard work lying in bed all day, and you look tired, you should go get some sleep at my apartment. And don't let Sara boss you around' Will forced his sister out before she could question him about Alicia, he didn't know why her name still had that effect on him

'this isn't over Willie, you need a wife to look after you now that you're injured' Aubrey left, Will hated it when his sister told him he needed a wife, he didn't see her rushing to settle down with someone.

'Peter, don't worry, I'll be there' Alicia had forgotten all about the speech she was supposed to give at the women's workforce seminar about how Peter was good for them, she would do anything to get out of it, but she had promised to do it. Though she promised 3 weeks ago, 2 weeks before the shooting and all her cases getting pushed back while the courthouse was being fixed. She hadn't seen Will either since that first night, she had no idea what to say to him, she had been too busy still trying to play the good wife that she refused to think about Will. She had heard through Kalinda that he had gone to stay at his parent's place in Baltimore while he was off work recovering, but other than that nothing, which kinda hurt.

Alicia couldn't afford to spend time daydreaming about him though, she was due in court later that day and she heard something about a partners meeting which meant she would again have another late night, thankfully Grace and Zach were staying at the old house with Peter tonight so she didn't feel guilty again of not spending enough time with them especially with Zach going off to college within a few weeks.

'Diane, what do I owe this surprise visit, did we have an appointment?' Alicia was taken aback by her old boss in her new office

'No, I'm not here on business, I've come about Will'

'I hear he's in Baltimore with his family, I take it he's recovering well?' Alicia was perplexed about why Diane would come to her about Will, she knew she hadn't had any contact with him since that first night

'You need to see him, he's talking crazy about not coming back'

'What? But his life is here, his firm, his clients'

'I think he's depressed, he wont tell me what's wrong, I was hoping you could talk to him as he wont listen to me. I can't do this without him, I'm like an alien in that office, everyone with that sad look in their eyes like he died. I am so alone, I need him back'

Alicia was taken aback at this confession, Diane always seemed so strong and together.

'I will certainly give him a call, but I dont think he will listen to me, I haven't seen or spoken to him for 3 weeks, I only knew he was out of hospital because Finn went to see him'

'Alicia' Diane paused 'Don't underestimate what effect you have on him, he was a mess after you left him, and again when you left the firm, he loves you, if anyone can get him back, you can'

Alicia had Diane's words playing on her mind all day, through the speech, court and the partners meeting. Afterwards she went to Cary still with everything playing on her mind.

'Hey Cary, I know we're swamped right now, but is there any way you could do without me for a few days, a week at the most?' Alicia knew what she was asking was pushing their partnership but she had to try, the law was Will's life, if he didn't have that she didn't know what sort of state he would be in 'I only ask because Diane came to my office today telling me that Will was thinking about giving up the law, you and I both know that it is his life and Diane needs him'

'Alicia, you need to let go of Lockhart Gardner, they are not our bosses anymore, I know you want to save them, but we have our own firm to save, you and me'

'I know Cary, but he was my friend, he saved me when I needed it, we wouldn't be stood here talking about it if he hadn't taken the chance on me, I owe him'

'Well if you put it like that how can I say no, just take your phone and be on call if I need you'

Alicia went about making plans for a trip to Baltimore, she hadn't been there since the first summer in college when she spent a weekend there with Will and 3 other classmates at a lake cabin just after exams finished. Of course they all stayed the whole week, but not Alicia, she landed a job in a law firm for the summer back home so only stayed the weekend, who knows what would have happened if she had stayed.

'Finn, how do you fancy a week in Baltimore?' Alicia called the only person she knew would understand what Will was going through, If she couldn't get him back maybe he could

'Is this your idea of romance Mrs Florrick?' Finn teased. Alicia explained the situation to Finn 'So, does he know that we're coming?'

'No, and all the hotels are booked, some sort of festival going on, I did however manage to get us a log cabin on a lake if you want romantic settings' Alicia teased


	3. Chapter 3

Finn pulled up to the cabin pretty late, Alicia had fallen asleep a couple of hours previous and he didn't want to wake her but knew that it would get pretty cold quickly once the engine was off.

'Hey, wake up, we're here, I think anyway' Finn gently shook Alicia's arm and she woke with a start

'When did it go dark, how long have I been asleep?'

'Couple of hours ago, we should go inside before we get cold, I'll light the fire' Alicia reluctantly opened the door and stepped out into the cold night wondering why she though this would be a good idea. Finn carried the bags in and quickly got to working on the fire while Alicia picked out the rooms then went searching for the bottle of wine she knew she packed.

'I thought you would have gone to bed' Finn was surprised to see Alicia awake carrying wine glasses and a bottle.

'Nope, wide awake, wine?' she started pouring the wine into the glasses before Finn could object.

They spent the duration of the bottle of wine talking in front of the open fire, forgetting for a few hours why they were there in the first place

'So, what's the plan of attack tomorrow?' Finn got back onto topic realising why they were there in the first place, although it was nice to get out of the office and into the woods making a mental note to do it more often, only next time without Will.

'I'll call him in the morning, see if he wants to go to the festival, you know we last went just after graduation, big group of us fresh out of law school ready to take on the world. Maybe that will remind him of what he's giving up.'

'Do you want me to come along, I don't mind if you don't, I have so much work to do I could do with a few hours to get caught up, I'll even cook for you both tomorrow evening' Finn wasn't entirely sure of the nature of the relationship between Will and Alicia but got the feeling it was more than just concerned ex-co-workers so didnt want to step on anyone's toes.

The next morning Alicia woke early, made coffee and set out the itinerary for the day, that is, if everything went to plan. Task number one, the phone call.

After 3 attempts to get hold of him she decided to take the initiative of just turning up at his house and hope that he would talk to her, that is if she could remember the way to his parent's house from the cabin.

30 minutes, 3 wrong turns, stopping to ask for directions twice later she arrived at the house. Everything seemed exactly the same as it did the last time she was here, even down the to windchimes on the porch above the swing. Alicia climbed out of the car, the thought hadn't occurred to her till that moment that he might not be there. Alicia straightened out her shirt under her cardigan and walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. Her stomach lurched at the familiar sound but there was silence once it had stopped. She tried again, it was still early, he could still be asleep when a woman in the next house came out.

'Are you looking for Sara?' the woman asked

'No' Alicia replied, 'I'm looking for Will Gardner, do you know where he is?'

'Little Willie, I haven't seen him for a few days, he usually goes out running early up to the lake and back. He's usually back around 11, you could try the coffee shop on the corner of main, I think he likes the coffee girl, sorry'

'No need to apologise ma'am, thank you' Alicia got back into the car and reversed out of the drive and headed to the coffee shop, even if he wasn't there she could get a coffee and sit in to see if he appears as his neighbour seems to think he will.

The coffee shop was relatively quiet, must have missed the morning rush Alicia thought as she ordered a coffee to sit in with and picked up a paper, it could be a long wait.

An hour went by with no signs of Will so Alicia was about to give up when she saw a familiar figure walking past the window heading into the coffee shop. Alicia smiled as she watched him, fresh from his morning run, flirt with the girl behind the counter with a slight pang of jealousy. Just as Will was about to leave Alicia stood up and called his name.


	4. Chapter 4

Routine, that's what life is all about, I'm still running every morning, I still drink coffee every morning but instead of rushing into the office I get to nap. Life is good, I never thought I would think this but Baltimore is good, I have never felt this calm before. Will was feeling good. He could feel himself getting stronger after the shooting left him near paralysed. He was even thinking of asking Katy the coffee girl out on a date, get himself back in the game and there she was. Standing in the middle of the coffee shop calling his name. For a second he couldn't decide if this was his brain playing tricks on him again, he had dreamt about her so many times after the shooting and finally when he thought he was all good she was there. For real.

'Alicia, what are you doing here?' Will looked like he could cry, he looked lost

'I came for you, Diane said you were thinking about not coming back' Will motioned for Alicia to follow him outside, it was a small town he didn't need everyone knowing his business.

'I'm taking some time out, assessing my options. It's been an odd year.'

'It certainly has, I hate the idea of you not practising law, you love it, don't give it up'

'You drove all the way up here to tell me that?

'No, Finn came too, we rented a cabin, everything was booked up due to the tree festival so we're in the woods.' Alicia laughed

'Does Peter know you're renting a cabin with another man?

'Peter and I have separated, for good this time'

'Oh' Will didnt know what to say, he didn't know why they had seperated again, he didnt want to pry in case it was upsetting for Alicia. 'So you and Finn now?'

Alicia laughed, he loved her laugh, he could listen to it all day, it was deep and sexy

'No, we're just friends, he thought he could help get you back home to Chicago'

'I am home, Baltimore is home, I dont know if I will ever go back to Chicago' Alicia stared at him the only way he could describe it was that she was looking in him not at him, she had always been able to do that since the first day of law school.

'Come up to the cabin tonight, Finn is cooking, and if you still want to stay here after then we will leave in the morning' Alicia could see that Will was hesitating

'I can't tonight, I have a date' Will lied, though he hadn't asked her out to dinner so if he went and asked now and she said yes then technically he wouldn't be lying and made a mental note to remember to ask Katy out for dinner

'With Katy the coffee girl? Sorry, I shouldnt ask, tomorrow night? I could join you on your run?' Alicia wasnt going to take no for an answer.

'Why do you think it's Katy?'

'Come on Will, give me some credit, I know you, I saw you flirting with her, she's pretty, I know how you get women to fall for your charm' Alicia teased but then backed off, it was still a pang of rawness she saw in his eyes, she knew he had been trying to hide it for a while but she knew him.

'Fine, meet me here at 6:30am, wear a hat and gloves, it's chilly before sunrise and if you can keep up i'll have dinner with you both' Will felt a rush, though didnt want to show alicia that the thought of her being near him had any effect on him still he continued his run in the direction of his family home.

Alica returned to the cabin to share the development with Finn, who as promised was working on his current cases at the dinning table

'You sound happy, does this mean I have to cook tonight' Finn shouted to Alica without looking up from his laptop

'No, but I may have just made a bet I can't win, have you seen my running shoes?

'Running shoes, no, are you going for a run? It's freezing outside' Finn finished his work and closed his laptop 'Want me to make some tea? Or do you want coffee?'

'I saw Will this morning, he has agreed to come for dinner tomorrow night, if I can keep up with him on his morning run,

'That's a shame, I picked up a really nice bottle of wine when I went for a walk earlier, I guess it's an early night for you Paula Radcliffe'

'Who said anything about no wine? And who is Paula Radcliffe?'

'British marathon gold medal winner, spent some time over there after college, you do know he's not going to go easy on you'

'I know, but at least there's a small amount of hope'

Alicia and Finn spent the rest of the day doing work, taking it in turns to make coffee and bounce ideas off each other. 'Why don't you join us, we already know we work well together, Florick Argos might be a good fit for us all, not just DUI's and small time drug offences'

'Now there's an offer a man can't refuse, but, no, I gotta do this on my own, I'm getting more work these days, thanks to you, but I'm enjoying being just me' Finn closed his laptop, he was done for the day, it was already dark out and there's a fire that needed making before it got too cold. Alicia took this as a good point to stop working for the night too, there was a bottle of wine with her name on it and a fire was about to be lit and she couldn't refuse an open fire and a bottle of wine

6am and the alarm clock is going off in Will's room, he jumps up, takes a deep breath in then remembers that this morning Alicia is coming along. The last time they went out running was in Baltimore just after graduation. It was the tree festival and they had rented a cabin with a few friends for the week and they were up before anyone so went running. Peter couldn't make it that weekend and she had been upset about it, she was supposed to stay the whole week, but after an argument with Peter she decided to just spend the weekend. She made some excuse about a summer placement, she never knew that Will knew she organised that after the argument with Peter, I dont think Peter wanted her around Will without him.

Alicia tried to quietly navigate the kitchen to make coffee before her run but was unsuccessful in trying not to wake Finn.

'Coffee is no good before a run, here, try this' Finn passed her a banana and juice

'Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you' Alicia still wanted the coffee but settled for the banana

'You didn't wake me, i'm normally up at 5 so had a lie in this morning' Finn went about making his own coffee as he ushered Alicia out of the cabin wishing her luck on her mission.

'Well I never thought I would see you out running after last time' Will approached Alicia, half expecting her to have backed out as he knows she would have had at least half a bottle of wine last night. She drinks more when she's stressed so he was guessing she probably had a bottle and a half, I guess it was a pretty stressful trying to get her ex-lover to go back to his old life.

'Must mean I'm serious about getting you back' Alicia looked at him and he wasn't sure if she meant back to Chicago or back to her, he needed to stop thinking about the latter, if she was seperated from Peter then she has taken until now to make contact and after all she was here with another man.

The pair ran for a couple of miles in silence, Alica just about keeping up with Will and just when Alicica thought she might pass out she saw her car and the coffee shop, it was a sight she thought she would never see. Will stopped jogging a block away from the coffee shop and walked the rest of the way to cool down. He had taken 20 minutes off his time for this route which is the best he's managed for a while but was more impressed that Alicia had kept up with him all the way. He went into the coffee shop, Katy was there as promised. He ordered 2 coffees, Alicia looked like she needed it.

'Hey Katy, how are you this morning?' Will flirted with Katy, probably like he did every morning as Alicia observed from the table across the shop.

'Hey Will, how was your run?' Katy looked at Will with the lust of a teenager, she was probably not much older than Zach. Alicia caught herself, why did it matter who Will flirted with, he was a grow man and didn't need permission from anyone, she couldn't hear Will's responses to Katy's questions just Katy, she was loud or maybe he was being purposely quiet

'I had fun last night, we should do that again sometime' Katy firted back at Will and placed 2 cups on the counter. Will picked them up and swiftly moved towards the table Alicia was sat at. It was away from everyone else in a booth so that the conversation wouldn't be heard by everyone

'So Diane came to see you?' Will started, he didn't want to waste time on catching up, he wanted her to go back to Chicago, life was finally good without her

'Yeah, she's worried about you, plus things are falling apart there without you'

'What do you care, you left' Alicia could tell he still wasn't quite over that

'Because we were friends for a long time, and I know how much you love the law, I don't want you to throw it away because of some crazy kid'

'I could have died, I thought I was dying, lying on that court room floor, and you know the only thing I could think of?'

'No'

'You, I was lying dying on the floor and all I could think about was you, how pathetic is that?' Will looked away from Alicia, he couldn't bare to read her face after that. Alicia reached over the table to take Will's hand, it was the only thing she could do. 'You didn't even come to see me, all the time I was in the hospital, not once'

'That's not true' Will looked up 'Maybe we should go somewhere a bit more private, let me drive you up to the cabin, Finn will be out shopping' Will nodded, he really didn't want this to be aired out in public, let alone where he lived.

The journey up to the cabin was in silence, both parties composing them for the inevitable difficult conversation that was about to happen. Once at the cabin Alicia checked that Finn had gone out as planned and ushered Will to the sitting room and lit the fire, it was always colder up in the cabin.

'I did come to see you, I was there all night that first night, I was too scared to leave your side in case you died alone in that room. After that I was there every night after you fell asleep until you were transfered out of the ICU and your sisters moved you here to baltimore.' Alicia concentrated on the fire, pretending to be concentrating on getting it going, in truth she couldn't bare to look at Will to see what was written on his face

'Why?'

'Because as much as you don't love me anymore I still couldn't bare to lose you, I didn't think you would want me there'

'I never stopped loving you' Will had stood up and looked right at Alicia 'Is that why you left Peter?'

'No, he was sleeping with the staff, we're still playing the happy married couple though, it's killing me inside'


	5. Chapter 5

p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'I'm sorry I didn't come see you before you left for Baltimore' Finn confessed to Will while clearing up after dinner 'I didn't think you would be gone so long, then before you know it a month had passed, then 3'/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'Don't worry about it, you had your own recovery to think about, how is the arm?' /span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'It's ok, still twinges a little at times. I guess it takes a moment like that to realise what is important in life and to go for it' Finn folded the dishcloth and turned to face Will across the kitchen/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'Alicia?' Will asked not knowing if he wanted to know the answer to that, they were after all renting a cabin together in the woods, he couldn't think of anything much more romantic than that./span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'No, She's had a rough year' Finn paused, not really sure if he should continue and give Will the full story and give him the fuel he needed to go after her again. 'Don't get me wrong, she is a very attractive, smart, funny woman, I would be a lucky man to end up with a woman like that, but this one, she has her demons like we all do.'/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"Will felt like he was completely out of the Chicago loop and wanted to know more, but Finn was being cryptic and he was tired. He was still having nightmares, not every night anymore, but often enough that if he told a therapist they would fill him full of all sorts of drugs and he would feel numb. Sometimes that's all he wanted. He had to stay strong while they were in town, put on the best show he could to make them think he was happy and that he had recovered, though part of him never wanted them to leave, they were the link back to his old life where life made sense. /span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER" /p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"Finn excused himself when Alicia joined them in the kitchen to get a bottle of wine from the cupboard. He made his excuses about needing to sleep as he had an early conference call with a potential client in the morning. Alicia motioned to Will about joining her for a glass of wine in front of the fire. Will was hesitant knowing it would be too easy to agree to anything she wanted him to do, but equally he didn't want to go back to the house just yet with his sister quizzing him about his date the previous night./span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'So no wedding ring' Will started as soon as they sat down/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'No' Alicia looked down to her bare hand, it had been a while since she was able to not wear her rings after she and Peter had separated and she found it strange not to wear a ring after all this time. 'I don't get much chance to not have to keep up the lie' /span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'About that, are you really separated or is it a temporary thing again, sorry, I shouldn't ask' Will wanted to know but he knew he could be opening a huge can of worms and digging up the past which should probably just stay there./span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'After the shooting I realised that I wasn't in love with Peter and I kept it going until I found out about the affair and I asked him for a divorce, he doesn't think I'm serious. I think he thinks I'm having some sort of mid life crisis' Alicia snorted with laughter 'So what about you, are you having a mid life crisis with all this crazy talk of staying here forever?'/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'No, well I don't think so. Diane thinks I'm crazy and not in my right mind, maybe I'm not. You get to a point where you sit and say to yourself 'there's got to be more to life than this' and I had my point while I was lying in the ICU after the shooting with tubes coming out of every part of me, I was in pain and I was hallucinating and it just hit me, why am I doing this?'/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'Are you seeing anyone?' Alicia inquired/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'Well I had a date last night, wouldn't say it was serious'/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'No, I mean professionally, a therapist? Someone to help you deal with everything that has gone on in the last year' Alicia had that worried face on that she gets when there's something she can't figure out just yet/span/p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'No, the courthouse tried to set me up with one as soon as I was out of the ICU, but then I moved here and there was no follow-up on either part. I just take things one day at a time' /span/p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;" align="CENTER"span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"'Are you still having nightmares?' Will didn't know how she knew that he was having them 'come on Will, I can tell you aren't sleeping, you get them dark patches under your eyes and the vein in the side of your head pops out when you are stressed. Why don't you stay here tonight, there's a spare room and you don't have to drive back in the dark. And maybe you will want to drive back to Chicago with us tomorrow? If nothing else you need to sort out the plants in your apartment' /span/p 


End file.
